Purple Hand activity has been on the increase, with specific threats made against the Company Headquarters and Williamson Tunnels Crystal Birthing Pools in Liverpool.
Security has been increased in and around the headquarters for the safety of all imperial staff and visitors.
All imperial staff and visitors are required to submit to a metal detector search on demand by uniformed security.
All imperial staff are reminded to be vigilant and are encouraged to report suspicious behaviour to your departmental auditor. Reporting incentives have been increased by 20% to encourage compliance with the reporting structure.
Suspicious Behaviour can include:
Purple paint on skin, clothing or beneath fingernails.
Excessive touching or speaking to Galvanic Crystals.
Singing songs not contained in the Motivations of Edison, Release 14.
Lack of sincerity during daily motivationals.
Greeting colleagues with an open hand gesture.
The Directorate has introduced additional auditors to all departments to help cope with the additional workload.
All imperial staff with mercury tooth fillings, surgical steel plates and septum piercings are required to report to Doctor Duncan’s Surgery for a Galvanic-Mesmeric Audit.
Departmental structures will be reallocated and downsized in accordance with Directorate guidelines.
Signed, Secretary Dexter.
Secretary to the Dexter Executive.