See we may be living in an age of pain and you have everyone and the barman’s son all creeped up but there is something you really need to know. The Blue Angel has a reputation. You know that. Hell, even if you are hanging behind the parade you know that.

You have cookies up top. Some of them are smart. So take a word from the wise: Keep close to the Archorator and put a distance between you and the blab sheet sweetcake. Really. She knows more about you than you think.

If the Blue Angel gets heaters on keep out of the way of anyone with a pencil and do not stand in front of any Scientists. You know what I mean. If Zong has his way then you might be hitting the hop and taking the drop.

You might find that a Blessing. Who knows.

There was a large piece torn from top and bottom. The handwriting seemed familiar – yet not quite there. So no names and no clues other than ‘blab sheet sweetcake’. Anybody with a pencil and a pad would be fair game.

It really is not every day that someone walks into the Sinister Executive’s Office and leaves a hint that blatant. Rather than seeking out the culprit for some theatrical violent retribution – Sinister seems to have simply folded the peice of paper up and consulted the Desk Diary.

The Archorator would need a companion. Tuesday Night. The Blue Angel.

Take Heed. A Danger To Us All.

Intelligence has come forth from our Intrepid Reporters despatched to the interior of the Hub of our Grand Enterprise: Liverpool.

Editors,
A new and most terrifying narcotic is being distributed among the citizenry. Unlike the Indosinese Bhang or the Chinee opium or, the Pharmacists Laudanums, this pharmaceutical does not need to enter the tissues to make affect and effect upon the body. It is known that the Directorate have developed a therapeutic pharmakon that operates in exactly the manner described by us Intrepid Reporters. Yet, the report we bring is of a Counterfeit and Piratickal substance.

For the safety and sanity of citizens, precise details are being witheld. There is neither honour nor sense in disseminating the details of what may be a vast criminal undertaking: the Piracy of Directorate Property.

What can be told is that there are nine known “Acids” which form salt crystals. When imbibed, in the presence of environmental stimulations these Acids have complex effects upon the Person. Without the Motivations of Edison, it is clear tha the Unwary will laspe into mysticism, irrationalism and finally the Bedlamite will be secured for their safety and the safety of the Empire. The Acids form an intestinal bezoar which, researches have shown, is the source of the mental activities induced.

The chemical substances are: Calliopic Sal Mesmeratum, Cliotic Sal Mesmeratum, Eratatic Sal Mesmeratum, Euterpatic Sal Mesmeratum, Melpomenatic Sal Mesmeratum, Polyhymniatic Sal Mesmeratum, Terpsichoric Sal Mesmeratum, Thaliatic Sal Mesmeratum and Uraniatic Sal Mesmeratum. These form bezoars within the human ailimentary canal. As Physicks have noted for many centuries: intestinal blockages can be fatal and bezoars are most certainly the source of obstruction. For this reason, alone, Citizens should be wary.

The blending of the Mesemratum is a difficult and arduous matter to be undertaken only by highly qualified Scientists in controlled conditions. Under no circumstances should any person of frail, nervous, weakened or debilitate condition imbibe anything other than a prescribed blend of Mesmeratum. The consequences are too horridly profound to contemplate and it is not certain that even the most powerful of Reorientation could rescue such a stranded citizen. The only possible destination might well be the Bedlam or the Colonies.

The ultimate goal of the Directorate is to Mesmeratum – already discovered and purified in Directorate laboratories – to provide a therapeutic and ongoing Orientation for all Citizens. This aspiration is endangered – indeed, in peril – from Piracies and the machinations of criminal societies.

These complex and dangerous substances are being sold as “Terpsichoric Mesmeric Acid” or “TMA” by unscrupulous vendors. Under no circumstances should Citizens, Shareholder or Employees of the Directorate partake of this lethal substance.

This is a Public Safety announcement and we beseech all concerned to take heed.

Provide Intelligences to the Local Telegraphy Office, Post Haste. Do not, under any circumstances, approach vendors but make them known to the appropriate authorities.

Signed and agreed & c.,

the Intrepid Reporters:

Elizabeth ‘Pearl’ Sherbourne Greene’s
Cornelius Thorpe
Florence ‘Florrie’ Stopforth-Ramsbotham
Baines Eddingbridge
Archibald Doulthwaite
Constance Privett
Dustable Coverage
Leopold Cottenham-Privilege
Halsbury Escher-Holt
Hinton Kelso-Rufford
Rodery Marrow

& c.

Editors Note: our Intrepid Reporters were invited from Protectorates and Franchises of the Directorate to the Heart of the Empire to create a guide book for future visitors. We, the Publishers and Editors of this Journal, do not flinch from their discoveries. We shall lay bare – in the most responsible manner – even the most dark discoveries that our Intrepid Reporters do make. Yet we beg our Citizens to indulge our cautions to Safety and Healthiness and to refrain from the public reading of these reports within earshot of Children, the Mentally Infirm, Certain Ladies and Gentlemen of a vapourous disposition.

“The light will always shine on the Directorate Empire”

This year’s Illumination Day celebrations will be launched on Hope Street on the 26th of November, 11am to 5pm. Directorate recruitment officers will be present with indentureship forms.

The Directorate has issued the first tranch of the much anticipated Indentureship Scheme. Already there is great demand for the security and benefits that the scheme has to offer. Imperial Citizens are excited about moving into the Directorate Workhouses in time for the Illumination Day celebrations. Indentured Servants and their families can look forward to free lodgings, free food, free medical care and guaranteed employment.

In uncertain times like these signing onto the Indentureship Scheme is the best way to guarantee security for yourself and your loved ones.

Also Professor Zong will be present to announce the must have toy that every child will want this Christmas. Demand is expected to be high this year so to avoid having an upset child this Illumination Day be there early to order yours!

And now a statement from our Archorator regarding the missing citizens.

The Directorate has been aware for some time now of an increase in citizens being declared as Unlocatable.

Speaking as your Archorator I would like to address this issue.

Those who would like to report a citizen as Unlocatable must report their statement to their local surgery forthwith.

All information necessary to identify the whereabouts and reasoning behind their lack of locatability must be declared within this statement in order for successful location.

Information and detail on their associates is also of considerable importance. Those

with vital detail on certain citizens will be compensated in an appropriate manner.

From information corralled pertinent to the matter, those vulnerable to Unlocatablity are likely to be those of unstable thoughts, physical irregularity, financial ephemerity and political disruptiveness.

The Directorate naturally shares the concerns and anxieties of those who have been sociobereaved in this manner.

Special arrangements have been made for the sociobereaved to receive counsel and positive mental reorientation at this time.

A Mr Archibald Dalthwaite has been reported as un-locatable. Dalthwaite was known to many in the locality as procuring an income through artistic ventures, mainly of the auditory variety. His music has been described as the sort known to cause physical and mental agitation. He insisted on combining sounds and themes in a manner apparently deliberately designed to be obfuscatory for the listener. For this and other matters which we are not under obligation to publish, Dalthwaite had been recommended by his local Surgery to attend the excellent correctional facilities provided for citizens by our Arch-Motivator and his Imperial Servants.

The Agenda is:

1. Orientation and Introduction to the Imperial Shareholder Incentive Scheme.
2. A mythbusting tour of our world famous crystal birthing pools.
3. Vote against Emergency Motion E1 – The “Alternative”.
4. Close

Signed, Secretary Dexter.

Secretary for the Dexter Executive.

Notes:

Only imperial shareholders on record on the close of business on 20th September 2011 are entitled to receive notice of the Meeting. A list of such imperial shareholders will be available for examination by shareholders within the Sinister Executive’s Offices at the Smithdown Lane headquarters.

Any imperial shareholder entitled to attend and vote at the meeting is entitled to appoint The Directorate as a proxy to attend and vote in his or her stead. A pre-completed proxy form is included in this report for your convenience.

Any imperial shareholder not appointing the Directorate as a proxy is required to attend the orientation and tour of the Crystal Farm in order to hear the Edisonian truth squashing the scurrilous Teslarite rumours about the nature of the crystals. Please make your appointment with Mr. Davey Toudrop. corporate.dropout@yahoo.com

Purple Hand activity has been on the increase, with specific threats made against the Company Headquarters and Williamson Tunnels Crystal Birthing Pools in Liverpool.

Security has been increased in and around the headquarters for the safety of all imperial staff and visitors.

All imperial staff and visitors are required to submit to a metal detector search on demand by uniformed security.

All imperial staff are reminded to be vigilant and are encouraged to report suspicious behaviour to your departmental auditor. Reporting incentives have been increased by 20% to encourage compliance with the reporting structure.

Suspicious Behaviour can include:
Purple paint on skin, clothing or beneath fingernails.
Excessive touching or speaking to Galvanic Crystals.
Singing songs not contained in the Motivations of Edison, Release 14.
Lack of sincerity during daily motivationals.
Greeting colleagues with an open hand gesture.

The Directorate has introduced additional auditors to all departments to help cope with the additional workload.

All imperial staff with mercury tooth fillings, surgical steel plates and septum piercings are required to report to Doctor Duncan’s Surgery for a Galvanic-Mesmeric Audit.

Departmental structures will be reallocated and downsized in accordance with Directorate guidelines.

Signed, Secretary Dexter.

Secretary to the Dexter Executive.

All staff who refuse to follow Directorate guidelines will be required to report to Doctor Duncan’s laboratory for reorientation.

Signed, Secretary Dexter.

Secretary to the Dexter Executive.

This latest release corrects some of the errors accidentally printed in release 13 and reveals new discoveries from Authentic Edisonian Papers recently discovered in the Williamson Tunnels.

All copies of release 13 must be handed to your departmental auditor for confidential destruction.

Mandatory reorientation training will be rolled out to all imperial staff during the next four weeks.

Signed, Secretary Motivator.

Secretary to the Motivator Executive.